


I'm Sorry

by Clankit



Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Blood, M/M, Mild Gore, Minor Violence, Sad, Sad Ending, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 19:23:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12260568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clankit/pseuds/Clankit
Summary: John’s soulwords are an apology.I'm sorry. The last thing his soulmate will say to him. He doesn’t know who they are, but he kisses the mark each and every day when he wakes, trying to tell them that it’s okay.Hancock’s soulwords are a refusal, he’s sure of it. His soulmate will take one look at him and wince, eyes shifting awkwardly.  They’ll probably say something like ‘I need to go. I’m sorry.’ And then they’ll be gone.





	I'm Sorry

John’s soulwords are an apology.  _ I’m sorry _ . The last thing his soulmate will say to him. He doesn’t know who they are, but he kisses the mark each and every day when he wakes, trying to tell them that it’s okay.

Hancock’s soulwords are a refusal, he’s sure of it. His soulmate will take one look at him and wince, eyes shifting awkwardly.  They’ll probably say something like ‘I need to go. I’m sorry.’ And then they’ll be gone.

Nate is an enigma. He’s not rude to Hancock, but he’s not exactly nice either. The vault-dweller knows how to handle a gun and is even better at using it, according to Nick. Hancock knows the guy must be something special to get Nick to travel with him, but his eyes pass over him once they’re introduced. Hancock has more things to worry about then a vault-dweller.

One of those is Bobbi No-Nose, who roped Nate into her mess. Luckily, Nate managed to talk her down with ease, or so Hancock’s been told. But when the man walks up to him with a tired smile of his face, Hancock can’t help but chuckle and offer his services. Nick, bless his mechanical heart, says he needs to get back to Diamond City and work on a open case, another kidnapping. He can see Nate struggle with the idea of taking Hancock along—maybe because he’s a ghoul—but in the end they leave Goodneighbor together, albeit in silence.

It starts off slow. They’re both getting to know each other, Hancock only offering his help because he’s desperate to get out of town and Nate taking it because, well, who knows. Unfortunately, Nate seems perfectly comfortable traveling the Commonwealth in absolute silence, so it’s up to Hancock to fill up the void. Eventually, after a couple days traveling together, Nate responds to one of Hancock’s jokes with a laugh bright and full, causing Hancock to trip over a rock.

After that it’s like a dam has broken. Nate chats about everything under the irradiated sky. Almost immediately he reveals he’s been cryogenically frozen for 200+ years, which is, you know,  _ the fuck?  _ He talks about his time in the military and how chems were passed around from soldier to soldier. He talks about the time he got lost in a grocery store as a kid and hid on a shelf, giving the old lady who found him quite a fright. He talks about how he always hated this food called ice cream but now he’d give anything to taste it.

He talks about Nora.

Nate does so slowly, calmly, one night after they’ve made camp. He pulls off a chain he wears around his neck that has two rings on it. He talks about how they loved each other so much. He talks about how happy they were when they had Shaun. He talks about how they were soulmates.

“She knew the words on my wrist and I knew hers. I remember saying them to her before we stepped in the pods. I didn’t even think about it, they just slid off my tongue naturally. I don’t think either of us realized it.” He lets out another laugh, this one quiet, full of sadness and mourning. He doesn’t tell Hancock the words on his wrist. That’s okay, because Hancock doesn’t tell Nate his. Soulwords are a very private and personal thing. 

Still, when they sit in the quiet of night, Nate rubbing his fingers over Nora’s ring, Hancock feels a pang of jealousy from some deep place inside of him. He stuffs it down, disgusted how he feels envious of his friend’s dead wife for being close to her husband. 

Soon, the talk turns to lighter topics, of good times and happiness, before they finally turn in for the night. They share a tent, because there’s no reason to bring another one, and on the especially cold nights they share a blanket. This night is warm and sweltering, though, so they lay on opposite ends in the heat as they struggle to fall asleep.

When he wakes, the jealousy is still there, and he hates himself for feeling it.

He never asks Nate what his soulwords are. Sometimes he feels the itch to know so badly he considers taking a peek during the night, but afterwards he feels so repulsed with himself for even considering it he orders Nate to take away hims chems. He does so even when his emotions are under check, because he knows Nate hates how he’s addicted to them and looks away awkwardly any time Hancock does a puff of jet. It’s uncomfortable, but Nate’s smile is worth it.

Despite his best efforts, his feelings worsen. They go to visit Piper and Nick in Diamond City, though Nate scowls and hardens every time someone insults Hancock. Nick is happy to see them, as is Piper. She kisses Nate on the cheek when they leave, and although Nate is unaffected besides a slight blush and an eye roll, resentment rises in Hancock so quickly it’s a surprise. He’s been trying, he really has. He’s ignored Nate’s soft brown hair and warm eyes, his kind words and gentle tone when he speaks to wounded people. Nate seems to be well on the path of recovering from the loss of his wife, and his determination to find his son is only growing stronger. Every time Nate smiles at him he can feel his heartbeat quicken, every time Nate laughs his walls crumble just a little more. They’re practically rubble by now. It’s only stubbornness keeping him from using the ‘l’ word. Hell, he doesn’t even know if Nate likes men! Even if he does, his type surely isn’t Hancock. Still, every day he wakes up next to Nate makes him dig the hole a little deeper.

It’s an accident. A stupid, stupid accident.

Nate and Hancock are scanning the ruins of a town for hostiles. They’ve already taken out a handful of raiders, and the rest of the area seems eerily empty. Nate goes to lean against the mangled remains of a car, loses his footing, and falls backward.

Directly onto a piece of jagged metal.

It’s sticking out of Nate’s chest. It’s sticking out of Nate’s chest and suddenly he’s covered in blood and Hancock knows no number of stimpaks can fix this. So he gives himself a couple moments to stare. Just stare.

But then he’s rushing over because  _ holy fuck  _  and  _ Nate’s still alive _ and even though Hancock knows it’s impossible he desperately hopes he’ll survive this. 

It hurts to look at Nate, because the man is gasping for breath and he cries out in pain every time his body shifts slightly. He’s going to bleed out quickly. Hancock hovers over him and cradles Nate’s head in his hands.

Astonishingly, Nate is able to speak through the pain. Blood is flowing out of his mouth, but he can still talk. 

“John.”

Hancock can’t help it; tears start to well up around his eyes, a rare occurrence for a ghoul. Shifting awkwardly, he lays down on the safe part of the car, cushioning Nate’s head on his upper chest. Hancock buries his nose in Nate’s hair and rests his hands on Nate’s, which are covered in thick, red, blood. Nate is going to die. 

“I need you to kill me.”

Ghouls are incapable of sobbing; they can’t produce enough tears quickly. So, Hancock dry heaves, tears sliding down his cheeks at an agonizing pace.

“I know, it sucks—”  _ shut up shut up you’re just going to die quicker don’t hurt yourself just shut up please _ “—but it’ll be a lot better than having me slowly bleed out in front of you.” Nate tries to chuckle, but just ends up coughing up more sticky blood onto his chest. “Use my pistol. It’s silenced, so you won’t draw any more attention.”

It’s now or never. He should be looking in Nate’s eyes when he does it, so the man knows it’s true.

Hancock slides off the car and holds Nate’s head with one hand, using the other to prop himself up.

“I love you.”

Nate’s eyes widen impossibly and he feebly ties to pull up his vault-suit on his wrist. Hancock helps him, and when he sees what’s there he freezes.

_ I love you _ .

“I’m sorry,” Nate croaks out, blood gushing out onto his jaw and chest. He tries to speak again but all he does is spit blood in Hancock’s face.

Hancock gently rests Nate’s head back on the car and stands up.

Nate was right. His pistol doesn’t make a sound.

**Author's Note:**

> I just really like the idea of both Hancock and Nora being Nate's soulmates and also I wanted to make them suffer
> 
> Wanna reblog this? Do so on Tumblr [here](https://clankitsfanfiction.tumblr.com/post/166029658302/im-sorry-a-male-ss-x-hancock-oneshot%20) if you desire


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